I’m both a statue and a pigeon.

WARNING:If you are as perfect  like Cinnabon or something.. or  you’re from Unicorn Island and if you feel like there is no freaking Homo sapien better than you, then this is not the place for you and this is not what you should be reading right now. Maybe Vogue or Times of India is your place.Or perhaps New York. I don’t know I’ve never been there. This is more like what a wall flower should read. And it’s long. And boring. And about nothing important. But if you still want to read, then carry on. But the good part is that I’ve already got a view for my blog and that’s about all I want. Muah. I love you.

The  moment I entered the building which had the name of the school written in a Bold font I felt like nothing was going to be the same anymore. I had already started missing my old school. Even if the building just had one floor it was long and reminded me of the hospitals in American horror movies. That maybe a bit of exaggeration but I can cross my heart and swear that I used to put up a shitty drama every night at home before the school. I did not want to go to school and I didn’t fucking care if that meant I would be illiterate. I hated it and I knew the moment I saw the place that I would never like the school.Ever.

The first day was not as bad as expected. I thought the students would be rude and that I probably would have to go through a lot of teasing and ragging. But amazingly nothing happened. Everyone was actually friendly. But I still didn’t want to go the school. The place was still new to me and the people were still strangers. I didn’t care how friendly or cool they were.

Have pity on me. I felt a lot like Helen Keller except that I can see,hear and talk. With Durjoy Datta, Nicholas Sparks and Suzanne Collins as my current best friends all I wanted to do was jump into a deep pit hole and die. I skyped for hours and hours with my friends back in India. I cried for no freaking reason and felt like a fucking idiot. A lame loner. A dick douche. Is there even a word like that? I’m pretty sure it’s there in a movie. Bleh. I wanted my old life back. I didn’t care what it would cost me.

Two months dragged away. I made a couple of friends who I would talk to for a minute or two. But I don’t think there was anyone I actually wanted to talk to.

Soon, I laughed a lot and cracked lame jokes. I did all the foolishness in the world. Everything that I did not want to do. I went around telling everything about myself to practically everyone. The boredom and loneliness was literally taking over me. I found myself doing everything that I used to hate to do. I remember speeding to the wash room and breaking out after doing all the foolishness. I was starting to become eccentric.

I even tried talking to my mom and she said “Make some friends. Try to spend time with them. You’re doing everything that you’re doing now because you want people to notice you and talk to you.” I did not agree with her when she said all I wanted was attention. I felt that everything she said came straight out of a parenting blog .

But after I gave it a little thought I realized that maybe she is right. Maybe all I wanted was people to talk to me. There was a time when I talked for hours on phone with my friends and now I don’t get a single call ,ever. And I really badly wanted those times back.

Then, on one particular day my best friend asked me to come on Skype. We talked for hours. He asked who my friends here were and I tried to change the topic. But he was cunning as hell and he totally understood that fact that I hate school here. I told him everything that I was doing here. He listened to me and finally told me it was time to find new people to talk to and not everything was not just about them. That there will always be a time when you have to leave your loved ones but then we are left with no choice.

It is not like I understood everything and lived happily ever after. I saw a point in what he was telling and started t o be more…I don’t know….mature? I don’t exactly know what change I went through after that. But  I do know that the  tantrums I threw at home went down day by day and eventually I felt like it was okay to not have the people who you really want to be with beside you. At least they are there. Breathing walking eating and God damn it…pooping. It’s not like I was  going to spend the rest of life in my old school anyways. Farewells would be there and someday everyone would have to find their own ways. Alone. Of course, unless you and your best friend or whoever are planning to start a business of your own or something. And that is “HOH!Calicut” that I’m talking about. Lol. Those sisters are freaking lucky. Always together, selling shoes and cool stuffs.

Aaanywaay, I actually made quite a lot of friends gradually. And I must admit. I’m going to miss them after this year. You know, it’s the tenth grade and everyone has to opt different subjects for next year.  This is not the first I am going to be around strangers. Psst. I don’t care.

And..I’m living a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious life right now.

Accept that on somedays you are the pigeon and on some shitty days, you are the statue.

*wink*

Bye.

THE Exam

My Board exam(10th grade Annual exam) will commence on March 3rd and there’re books all around me. There are long chains of equations, formulas and derivations spinning in my head. Nothing seems to stay in my head. All that people say is “This is the turning point of your life”. And blah..blah..blah. After all this is Asia we are talking about here. Haven’t you heard? We live for the A-Plus A-Plus A-plus.

And I have to choose what I want to study next year, Science or Math. And I don’t know what I’m going to choose and I don’t know how to know either.

But between all the preparations and mugging up, the only thing that can put a smile on my face is thinking about what I’m going to do after the exams.

Holy shit. I’m going to wake up late, have brunch or whatever and have a movie marathon or something. And when I’m finally incapable of feeling my butt, I would get up and stroll outside, take a few pictures, some selfies too. Post it on instagram with a caption ” #examsover #strollingaround #thisisamazing” and a lot more hashtags. *smirks*

^_^

Buhahaha. I’m going to have SO much fun!

“We have to cre…

“We have to create culture, don’t watch TV, don’t read magazines, don’t even listen to NPR. Create your own roadshow. The nexus of space and time where you are now is the most immediate sector of your universe, and if you’re worrying about Michael Jackson or Bill Clinton or somebody else, then you are disempowered, you’re giving it all away to icons, icons which are maintained by an electronic media so that you want to dress like X or have lips like Y. This is shit-brained, this kind of thinking. That is all cultural diversion, and what is real is you and your friends and your associations, your highs, your orgasms, your hopes, your plans, your fears. And we are told ‘no’, we’re unimportant, we’re peripheral. ‘Get a degree, get a job, get a this, get a that.’ And then you’re a player, you don’t want to even play in that game. You want to reclaim your mind and get it out of the hands of the cultural engineers who want to turn you into a half-baked moron consuming all this trash that’s being manufactured out of the bones of a dying world.” ― Terence McKenna

Young and Beautiful

Recently I heard a song called Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey. The song was so touching that it is my favorite song of the week.

The lyrics of the song is :

I’ve seen the world
Done it all
Had my cake now
Diamonds, brilliant
And Bel Air now
Hot summer nights, mid July
When you and I were forever wild
The crazy days, city lights
The way you’d play with me like a child

Will you still love me
When I’m no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me
When I got nothing but my aching soul?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I’m no longer beautiful?

I’ve seen the world, lit it up
As my stage now
Channeling angels in the new age now
Hot summer days, rock ‘n’ roll
The way you play for me at your show
And all the ways I got to know
Your pretty face and electric soul

—–

I loved the song maybe because of the depth and meaning of the lyrics or the flawless sound of Lana Del Rey and the original instrumental music behind. I don’t know. But I just feel like singing the song and listening to it. Again and Again. 🙂 I hope you like it too.

I mean it.

“…And that’s the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too.” – Khaled Hosseini; The Kite runner
This line from the best-selling novel, The Kite Runner written by Khaled Hosseini is actually very true. Atleast in my case, it is. I’m not saying that I never lie. I do,  but when I say something to someone or about someone or something, I mean it. Every single word of it. There are some people I know. They lie so much. I don’t even know why. Sometimes I know what they’re telling me is a complete lie but I choose to shut up. I try to find a reason to believe them. I’m so weak that I CANNOT stay angry at someone for more than an hour. Noone. I think and think and think and then eventually find a reason to forgive them.
My life has always been filled with troubles and flaws. I’m shy and I think I’m absolutely clueless about being confident. I very often feel like a worthless piece of crap. Well. The only thing I do flawlessly is “Breath”.
Please don’t tell me I’m the only one out here like this.

It’s a baby girl!

This post was so touching that I thought I should share it. 🙂

The Espresso Addict

She was 27, and at home.

She stood in front of the mirror, naked. She looked at her breasts. This was the biggest they had ever been. But she knew that they were going to get bigger. She stared at herself for a long while before she ran her right hand across the entire area of her belly, from just above her abdomen, all the way down to its lower end. It looked bloated and the bump had begun to show through her clothes now. She was five months pregnant, and had just received her scans from her gynecologist. She had dreaded this moment would come right from when she turned into a teenager. And 15 years later, she still wasn’t prepared for it.

“You are going to have a healthy and beautiful baby girl. You just have to keep eating healthy, and get good sleep and sufficient exercise, just like…

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The Journey That Matters

Death, I think

Is what we’re all waiting for

Life is just a way of telling you 

That everything is beyond your control

When you’ve learned enough

they take it away

And from then you start

the real journey

The journey to the woods

and the hills and trees

To where people will welcome you

People who actually care

With open hands, they offer you

Everything that you’ve ever wished for

And suicide is when 

You feel that you’ve been through a lot

and there’s nothing left to learn

You abandon what is given to you

But then the journey can’t start

You wait and wait

Till they think it’s time

You wait in the middle of nowhere.

Not having a life nor having the dead

You wait till it’s actually time.

Alone and frustrated

Death is the only journey that matters

And you’re supposed to wait for it

To learn and learn

till they think it’s time.

Some are afraid of death

How can one be?

I don’t know.

I’m not yet taught.

-Aiswarya Keyan

 

I like photography and my favorite hobby is roaming around with a camera and taking random photos and posting it on my blog or Instagram. There’s this unexplainable pleasure that I get from taking photos. I recently relocated from India to Qatar and I feel alone without any friends and everything. So, photography can be […]